Day 3

Penelope slept all the way through the night, except for when she had to have another chest x-ray taken.  She woke up not very happy this morning.  Today was a little more difficult of a day for her.  She had this look in her eyes that about killed me.  She stared right into my eyes and it pierced through to my heart.  It was though she wanted to say something, but couldn't get it out.  She wanted nothing to do with her binkie or a bottle, which is so unlike her.  

Grandma Betty stopped by to visit.  She also brought some See's Candies with her.  She knows just how to cheer us up.  We had a good talk about faith and putting our trust in the Lord.  Grandma Betty is such a great example to me.  She has taught me so much about submitting to the Lord's will.  She always has a smile on her face, even through difficult circumstances.

I was a little emotional today because I was still feeling overwhelmed with gratitude, that Nellie was okay and that she made it through surgery.  There were moments where I knew I let fear get the best of me and I lacked faith and complete trust in the Lord.  All I have, I feel I owe to my Savior.  I have learned so much through this process and hope to learn all that was intended. I know the Lord works miracles and I have witnessed them. 

"Fear and faith cannot co-exist in our hearts at the same time.  In our days of difficulty, we choose the road of faith.  Faith is not a feeling-it is a decision."

Elder Neil L. Anderson

"God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and love, and of a sound mind."

Timothy 1:7

Tyson's uncle Steve and cousin Casey stopped by to say hello.  It was wonderful to have them here and feel of their love and support for our little one.  This was the last time we will see Steve for awhile, before he leaves to serve as a mission President for our church.  It was good to be able to say goodbye and wish him well.

We also had one of Tyson's good friends Austin come by today.  I know that meant a lot to Tyson.  It really made me miss my friends from Utah.  It has been so nice having my mom here with me.  There is something so comforting about having your mom by your side.  Today was our last full day having my mom here.  I really don't know how I am going to get through this without her.  What makes me even more nervous is come Monday, Tyson has to go back to work and I will be here with Penelope, without either one of them.  I am grateful that I had my mom for the most difficult times.  She got me through the surgery and for that I will ever be grateful.

Later on this afternoon they moved Penelope to another room, due to staffing purposes.  It actually turned out to be for the good. We are in a more spacious room and Nellie was able to go for a little ride down the hall. She cheered right up afterwards.  We had Cara bring her some new toys because she started showing interst in things again. 

Tyson and I were able to go out to dinner with my mom, one last time before she leaves. It was nice to talk and get out for a little bit.  When we got back from dinner I rang the buzzer for them to let me back into the PICU.  I could hear a baby crying in the background and knew immediately it was Penelope.  I hurried as fast as I could back to her room.  I knew that cry.  She was hungry and ready to eat.  I was so happy I was going to finally be able to nurse her again. She latched right on and began to guzzle.  She reached her little hand right up to my necklace and held on, as she always does. No less than two minutes afterwards she threw it right up.  I felt so bad for her.  I knew it was probably to be expected, but I still hated watching it happen. 

Once I got done nursing her, Tyson was able to hold her for the first time, since surgery. I loved watching how happy it made them both feel. Nellie sat up for a minute and started bouncing her legs up and down. It was so nice to watch her start to feel better, even after throwing up. 

The doctor said they are going to give it another 24 hours before they intervene, with a feeding tube. As much as I hope for this not to happen, I know it will be the best thing for her. I am really starting to learn that sometimes the hardest things can really turn out to be for the best. 

I am so happy Penelope ended the day on a happy note.  I hope and pray that she will continue to heal and not be in pain.  If I could take this all from her, I would.  I hope that one day she will look back on this experience and it will be a great source of strength for her and it will be a testimony builder.