I have been horrible about documenting my pregnancy. I always imagined how I would surprise Tyson with the news, take weekly photos, and document all of my feelings. I have done non of the above. I hope to do better at writing my feelings and emotions as I go through this pregnancy.
It all started a few months back. I couldn't contain my excitement when I saw the words pregnant on the test. I screamed from the bathroom, TYSON! I ran out to him in the kitchen jumping up and down. He had no idea what was going on. I showed him the test that read PREGNANT. I didn't imagine seeing those words again for awhile, especially after being a month after my miscarriage. Words couldn't describe the feelings I had. I called my mom immediately. It was almost impossible to contain my excitement and not shout it from the rooftops.
Going to my first doctors appointment was a little nerve wrecking, seeing as the last time I was there I had received bad news. The appointment went well and everything looked great. We couldn't stop smiling. It was hard to allow myself to be completely excited at first because I didn't want things to turn out as they did the last time. I had a better feeling this time around and prayed for the strength to push out any negative thoughts.
The following doctors appointment we were able to hear the little hear beat. Tyson and I had tears. It was the sweetest sound my ears have ever heard. She looked like a little bean and I couldn't have been more in love.
I have always heard of girls being able to wear there regular jeans their entire pregnancy or only gaining 20 lbs. I am the complete opposite. I was in maternity jeans after the first month...... no joke. I couldn't and still can't stand tight clothing. As soon as I get home from work, off came the clothes. The first trimester I was able to make it through work all but one day, but as soon as I walked through the door I was in bed and out for the rest of the night. Nothing sounded good to eat, I had horrible sinus issues, and headaches. Being in the kitchen made me sick. As for my back well that's a story in its own. Thank heavens for my chiropractor for putting my pelvis back in alignment. I defiantly slacked at my wife roles this trimester. No laundry or dinner for months. There was a complete lack of energy. My growing boobs hopefully made up for that.
All of the ups and downs are so worth it when we got to see an ultrasound. Seeing our baby girl move around for the first time was so sweet. Finding out we were having a girl was even more fun. Each ultrasound has been great watching her evolve into a tiny human. Being able to see her little features kills me.
As many have stated, being in the second trimester has been much better. My back has felt so much better. My love for food has returned, however the acid reflux has now kicked in. I wake up in the middle of the night choking on my acid. It's awesome. I can no longer wear my wedding ring and my feet have grown who knows how many sizes bigger. Thank heavens for Tyson's foot and back rubs.
I am happy my mom has been there to lend an ear. She sits and laughs and cries with me. She gets a kick out of me being a hot mess. Mom's are the best. I always tell her what I would give to have her come cook Tyson and I dinner or mop my stinkin floors, because I know she would do it. I already look forward to the day she will be here to help me take care of this little girl.
Feeling our baby move for the first time was so neat. Having Tyson feel her kick for the first time was even better. I loved seeing that smile on his face. She has been kicking like crazy. I love watching my belly go up and down. These little moments make everything worth it.
I feel so blessed to be having this little miracle. As much as I complain about all of the weight that I have gained or how awful I feel, I wouldn't change it for the world. I get teary eyed every time I think about holding her for the first time. I can't wait to see what she looks like. More than anything I can't wait to see Tyson as a dad. I know that he will be an outstanding father and is going to be wrapped around her little finger. He already takes such good care of us.
This pregnancy has deepened my love for my husband and opened my eyes to a whole new feeling of respect for mothers. I know it will only continue to grow. I honestly don't know how my mom did this five times. She continues to be my hero in more ways than I could have imagined.
There have been a few moments since my dad has passed away, that I cannot deny his presence. Just the other day, I was blessed with one of these moments. I was sitting on the floor in Newport getting ready and I had this overwhelming feeling that he was proud of me and was so happy for this chance I get to be a mother. Tears came to my eyes, knowing that my dad loves me and this little girl and that although I cannot see him I still get to feel him near.
Who knows what the next fews months have in store for me but I know they are preparing me for this next stage of life and I couldn't be happier.