Heart to Heart

My heart is learning to love and feel different emotions than it ever has before.  I now have what you would call a mothers heart and like others have described, I have another heart beating outside of my chest and that is within Penelope.  I feel everything that she feels and want so much to make sure that she is protected from pain.

I am learning all to quickly that everything is not in my control.  A couple days ago we had a follow up appointment at Valley Children's Hospital, for Penelope's heart murmur.  Our pediatrician said they would be the ones to monitor her heart and make sure that the tiny hole in the muscle does indeed close.  Tyson and I went in with high hopes that this would be a quick appointment.  We figured we would just go through the motions to please our pediatrician, seeing as we had already gotten the okay while we were at Primary's, while in Utah that everything should be fine.  

The cardiologist ordered another EKG and echocardiogram for that day.  He wanted to see for himself that everything checked out.  Tyson and I didn't really think anything of it and watched as our baby had another echo done on her heart.  She again was a dream boat.  She slept through most of the procedure.  The tech said she was going to have the doctor take a look at the results and that he would be back in to talk with us.  

The cardiologist came in telling us that she did have the Ventricular septal defect that the other doctors had seen, but that didn't pose as a problem.  He said it was so tiny and that even if it never closed it was so low that they wouldn't be able to perform surgery on it anyways.  He then proceeded to tell us some news we were NOT expecting.  He told us that Penelope has what is called left pulmonary artery sling and not only that but she has the valve that babies have while they are in the womb that stops the blood from going into the lungs still.  Tyson and I had never heard of either of these things. 

I looked up the description online for LPA sling.  Pubmed described it as "a very rare anomaly in which the LPA arises distally, far from the right pulmonary artery on the right side of the distal trachea, turns sharply leftwards around the trachea and courses to the left lung hilum through the space between the trachea and esophagus. LPA sling is often associated with distal tracheal narrowing, due to either intrinsic stenosis or secondary compression by the anomaly itself."  Basicly with the extra valve being there from when she was a fetus and the LPA sling, there could be a compression of her trachea and esophagus when eating solid foods.  In order to determine if there is a compression they have to do a CT scan and have her drink a dye. 

(I hope I described it correctly, I am still learning and these medical terms are a little complex for me.)

When Tyson and I heard all of this information we were kind of in shock.  The doctor said after the tests are done he would sit down with the surgeons and other cardiologists at the hospital to decide if surgery is going to be necessary. 

When I heard the word surgery my heart about fell on the floor.  I of course thought of the poor scar she may have and all the other things that could go wrong during open heart surgery.  Tyson and I left the hospital that day with different news than we had anticipated.

I received the call to schedule her CT scan and dye testing today.  It is the first time I have broken down.  Thinking of my baby having to go under general anesthesia about does me in.  Not only will she have to be put under but she will have to fast before she goes in.  I don't know how I am going to handle having her go hungry and have no way of soothing her.  Her test isn't until 3:00 in the afternoon. 

I know that everything happens for a reason and that if she hadn't contracted RSV the doctors wouldn't have found her murmur which then led to them finding this.  I know that it is better to have this all taken care of now, but it doesn't make it easy.  I take comfort in knowing that she will be in good hands that we have the gospel, the Priesthood and that prayers are answered. 

I am so in love with my little girl and just want everything to be okay with her.  She has already been through so much and it is killing me.  If I could take it all from her I would.  

She is so happy all the time and just melts my heart.  This picture describes her perfectly.

The test are not scheduled till the end of February.  In the mean time I must have faith and pray that all may be well.  I am grateful I have Tyson by my side and for his unconditional love and support through the good times and the bad.  

First Family Photos

My friend Brynn at Sunnydays Photography took the most amazing photos of my sweet family.  They were everything I could of hoped for. 

ENJOY!

I will cherish these photos forever!

RandomNESS

I made a deal with the hubby, that will go undisclosed in order to have someone come do a deep clean on our house.  As soon as I walked in the door, after having the house cleaned, I had nothing to do.  I usually spend all day in my OCDness and clean.  So what does a girl do?  I pulled out a new book and a bar of chocolate.  It was complete bliss, to say the least.    

The book is AMAZING!

Since being a stay at home mama, I find myself in leggings and my UGG slippers, greatest present.  They literally are the gift that keeps on giving.  

I have finally got my tooshy in gear and have been working out.  It was a killer at first, but the addiction has started to seep its way back into my bones.  The only problem is my bladder.... that baby of mine has done a number on the poor thing.

This smile of Penelope's never gets old.

I have been trying to cook for Tyson.  This is something he has looked forward to since the day I started staying home.  I am not a fan of cooking, but seeing that smile on his face when he walks through the door, makes it all worth it.

Those eye lashes, I die.  I have no idea where they came from.  Neither Tyson or I have long lashes, hence the eyelash extensions.  The eyelash extensions of mine continue to be a battle.  I love them on but I also love to pick them off.  I can't decide which one I like more, so the continued battle carries on.

I made Peanut Butter Blossoms this week.  I ate a whopping seven in one day.  They are beyond delicious, especially with the DOVE chocolate in the middle.  I made Tyson take them to work.  I somewhat regret that, after seeing this picture.

My little chunkster has almost grown out of her Bumbo.  I seriously can't believe it.

Having a baby has turned me into a morning person.  I love how much I can get done before the sun comes up.

Penelope can't get enough of her bath time.  I know they say to only bathe a baby every other day, but what do they know?  She sleeps like a dream when she gets out.

It has been discovered the GiGi had postpartum depression and has been put on Prozac.  I had no idea that this was even a possibility for dogs.  I started crying when I told the vet how sad my dog has been. It was a bit embarrassing.  I blame it on the hormones.  I felt better when she said I was going to make her cry.  Hopefully the pills do the trick.  I can't stand to hear her cry all day.

I can't wait for Penelope to start dance lessons.  I know she is a little young, but a momma can dream.  I pray she enjoys dance as much as I did.  

In other business:

I saw a post on my friends Facebook wall, letting all old Jazz Dancers know of a retro night that would be happening in March.  This is where all the old dancers perform at a halftime.  I am still trying to convince the hubby, that this is a legitimate reason to buy me a plane ticket.

My wedding ring still does not fit....

How long does it take?

Trader Joe's Coconut Body Butter has saved my hands from flaking away.  I wash them a thousand times a day, trying to keep P from getting sick again.

I can't wait for my hair to grow out.  Being able to put it in a pony tail would be a dream come true.

I really wish I knew how to sew.

Parenthood is the best television series, I have watched since Friday Night Lights.  I am an addict.

Until next time....