I have had all but six weeks at this new role of mine, called motherhood. I thought I was doing pretty good in my new shoes for the first few weeks. I figured since I had tackled the nursing thing, I was set. I then quickly realized that this is not so. The past few days have really made me think. I started to feel overwhelmed. I began comparing myself to others. I would look at other pictures of girls who had just had thier babies and wondered why I didn't look like them. I couldn't understand how some were able to go back to church so quickly or how some juggled five kids, when I could barely handle my one.
I had so many misperceptions of how I was going to be, when I became a mother. I admit I found myself judging mothers at times and told myself I would never let my house go or let my child out of the house without their hair done. I planned on having a home cooked meal for my husband to come home to every night and all of the laundry neatly folded every day.
I have been put into my place all to quickly. I am learning motherhood is a full time job. I now can understand why my mom is the way she is. Why she always said you lose a part of your brain with every child.
I found this out a couple days ago when Tyson asked if I could bring him a jacket to the golf course. That task may sound easy, but for me that meant getting the baby dressed and in her car seat. It meant that I had to put normal clothes on actually do something with my hair. I finally had us all situated in the car and happily on our way, when suddenly I realized I had forgotten the jacket. The whole reason we gotten into the car, in the first place. I wanted to break down in tears because I knew Penelope was going to be getting hungry. I only have a little window to get things done with a nursing baby. I then ran my tongue across my teeth and realized I hadn't even brushed them for the day and it was after one.
My head started spinning with all the things that I still needed to get done for the holidays as well as my visiting teaching, baking cookies for our neighbors, my calling, taking a salad to a family member, Christmas parties, eyelash fills, grocery shopping, wash and so much more all while finding time to feed and change my baby in between. I'm not going to lie I felt like a complete failure and thought how am I ever going to live up to this new role of mine.
I wanted to throw in the towel. But then I came across this video while I was quickly preparing my visiting message. It put everything into perspective perfectly. I knew that I have been doing my best and that was good enough. I felt the love of my Savior and his arms around me telling me I was doing a good job and to not give up. After talking with my mom and watching the video I have made a new goal to not compare myself to others, this is easier said than done, but I am going to try. I am learning that every one is doing their best and there is no reason to judge others.
I am beyond grateful for this time of year and for the lessons it teaches me. The focus should be on our Savior and for the perfect life and example he set for us. This year is extra special with my own little one. Like in the video, I love starring into her eyes and wondering what life is going to have in store for her. I couldn't have asked for a greater gift than Penelope. I am grateful for the lessons she is teaching me, even at such a young age.