I have been trying to go to sleep for the past two hours knowing that tonight would be the first night we start sleep training Lucy. I know it will be the best thing for her, but I am having such a hard time. I think the anticipation of it all, is the worst part. I never had to sleep train P. She did it all on her own and was the greatest sleeper. Every kid is so different, as I am reminded of that daily. Lucy is the sweetest, chubbiest, yummiest baby but cannot figure out how to sleep. Going on five months of cat naps and waking up every two hours during the night, I just can't do it any longer. My mom works for the most incredible pediatrician who seems to have the right advice anytime I need it. His approach seems rather brutal at first, but will be so rewarding in the end. I figure that is how most things go in life. I know in the long run she will be such a happier baby.
I took these pictures of my girls the other morning, because I never want to forget my mornings with them. I love when we lay in our pj's and soak up the time with one another. I especially look forward to snuggling on the coach with P, while she drinks her cocoa. We watch Curious George and Daniel the Tiger. She nestles her head into mine and always wants to hold my hand. I seriously cherish these moments that will fleet away all too quickly. I can hardly wait for Lucy to wake up in the mornings. Those big round eyes greet me and those chubby little legs kick with excitement, in anticipation for her morning feeding. I seriously love this stage of life.
I have had somewhat of a change of heart these past few weeks. I am going to be honest, I felt so selfish those first few months of Lucy's life. All I could think about was the pain I was in from the c-section and how I needed a nap, I craved going to lunch with a friend and wanted to be able to go to the grocery store in peace. I dwelled on all of the negative and was missing out on so much of the positive. I think my aha moment came the other morning, when I took P to the park. It has been a long time since we had ventured out to the park. It all just seemed too much to tackle prior. I began pushing her on the swings, the same swings in which I have pushed her in, over the past two years. I looked down at her legs and couldn't believe how long they had gotten. It totally hit me just how fast my time with her is going. I wanted to pick her up right then and there and hold onto her ever so tightly. I'm not going to lie, I got a little teary eyed. It was a good thing no one was standing around.
I have really tried taking in every moment. I don't want to look back on this sweet time with my girls and have any regrets. They are only little for so long. I honestly love being a mom and feel so lucky I get to call these girls mine. I pray every night I am teaching them the things they need to know in this crazy world. I hope they always know and feel all the love that I have for them. I wish I could just push pause, but I know that's not possible. All I can do is cherish each moment with them and try not to look back or too far ahead.