Heavy Heart

Yesterday was a difficult day to be a mom.  I have noticed such a change in the way things effect me since being mom.  My heart has completely softened, almost so much that I am a big puddle on the ground most of the time.  I feel so much more deeply.  I cry when others cry, embrace others joys more, and love so much deeper than I ever thought possible.  I am sure as time goes on my heart will only continue to grow.

I was laying in bed nursing Penelope yesterday afternoon.  As I began scrolling through my instagram feed, I noticed a picture with a caption talking about an explosion at the Boston Marathon.  I immediately turned on the news.  Now thinking back, I don't know if I was ready for what I was about to see.  I saw things I wish I hadn't.  I sat there in tears as I watched the horror of the Boston Marathon explosion.  I couldn't believe what I was hearing and seeing.  What an amazing day turned upside down for so many.  

As my day continued on, I looked at instagram yet again.  Images of a young girl and words stating she had gone missing yesterday, filled my feed.  My heart became heavy as those parents worst nightmare came true.  It made me want to keep Penelope by my side at all times and never let her out of my sight. Although I know this is impossible, I thought about how I could make it possible.

I held Penelope a little closer to me.  I am not going to lie, I let fear seep into my heart for a moment.  I wondered how I was going to raise this perfect little angel in this horrible world.  I was so scarred for what is to come.  But then I remembered, I have the gospel and know that if I cling to that knowledge, my little family will be okay.

This quote by Mr. Rogers helped me feel a little better, “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping."

This is so true!  You can always find good in the world and so many great people.  I just have to remember this.

Last night I cherished every minute with my little family.  Our nightly routine seemed so much more than just that.  I embraced Penelope and kissed her so many times.  I tucked her into bed and thanked my Heavenly Father that I had her safe in my home with me.

Tyson held me close as we went to bed.  I again was in tears.  There is something so comforting and safe about those arms of his.  I pray and think about all those effected by yesterday tragedies.  I hope that little girl is found and those who were effected by the bombings will be able to have their hearts healed.