I am not going to lie, today has been exhausting. I think I am finally starting to come down from my adrenaline high. Things are really starting to wear on me. Nights here are the worst. They come in at 2:00 am to weigh Penelope and they draw her blood at 4:00 am. Hearing her cry is taking it out of me. It is so hard to not only hear her in pain, but seeing it on her face. Her poor eyes close and she moans and grunts. I have been strong thus far, but I don't know how much more I can handle. I want to steal her out of here and take her back to our house. She has started being scarred of every little thing. She cries even when they come to take her temperature. I think it especially hard because she is such a happy baby and up until this point she hardly ever cried. If she ever fussed, all I had to do was pick her up and hold her tightly to my chest. I can't do that right now and it breaks my heart. The only thing that is getting me through this, is lots of prayers and the strength of others.
I was able to carry Penelope this morning to get her chest x-ray taken. I forgot how heavy she was. It felt good to be out and about walking with her. She held still so perfectly, I was so proud of her. Doctor MacDonald came in and let us know that fluid in her chest tube has significantly decreased, but it is still no where being close to coming out. I was a little bummed when I heard that. Her calorich levels in her blood came back, as being off. So the doctor ordered her to take another oral medication, to see if they could get it back to a normal level. We tried giving it to her today but she was not having it, so they decided to hold off on that medication.
Tyson's Aunt Karen and cousin Marilyn came by to visit. They brought the sweetest gifts for Nellie. Karen gave her the most charming little bracelet that has hearts on it and a baby doll that sings "You Are My Sunshine." I especially love the doll because that is a song I always sing to Nellie. Marilyn gave her the sweetest book I have ever read called "I Knew You Could." It was the most uplifting little book and its words were everything I needed today. They went and got me a yummy breakfast and made sure I had enough fluids to drink throughout the day.
Tyson's cousins wife Lynnsey brought me Five Guys for lunch and three wonderful books for Penelope. It was so nice to have her here to vent to. There have been more than a handful of things that have gone wrong here at the hospital. She understood my frustrations and helped me feel better.
Penelope ate perfectly today. She was back on her normal schedule of eating every two to three hours. I couldn't seem to feed her fast enough. I loved having my hungry girl back. She loved eating her carrots as usual. Cara also came and stocked us up with yummy food. I never realized what a huge help it was to have food brought to you while in the hospital.
After expressing some of my frustrations Penelope was finally able to get a sponge bath. She didn't like it as much as I had hoped, however she did love how it made her feel afterwards. She enjoyed me rubbing lotion on her again and making her feel all better. I cleaned up her finger nails and cleaned out her ears. Afterwards Cara and I decided it would be fun to surround her with all of her stuffed animals. She loves each and everyone of them.
Grandma Betty came tonight and added to Nellie's collection. She must have read my mind because she found a stuffed animal that looked exactly like GiGi. Tyson and I had been looking for one. I have been missing GiGi like crazy and I am sure Nellie has as well. Grandma Betty also brought us some delicious treats. She is always so thoughtful.
I got a sweet text today from my friend Erin, letting me know that her favorite photographer had contacted her and wanted to come to the hospital to take pictures of Penelope's stay. I was so touched. I'm not sure what day we are doing them, but I know I will cherish those pictures forever.
We are all a little exhausted tonight and look forward to getting some shut eye. The pull out couches here are starting to become my best friend.