Transforming...

So I truly contemplated whether or not to show this photo, but I decided to brave it, in hopes that it might inspire or give encouragement to someone else.

^^^Photo on the right was taken somewhere around two months ago/photo on the right was taken today.^^^

I am now nine months postpartum and finally starting to feel like my self again.  Before getting pregnant I never really had the fears of gaining weight or being able to lose the baby weight.  My mom always looked fantastic after each baby and thought I would be no different.  After only a few months into my pregnancy I soon realized, I wouldn't be so lucky.  I instantly put on a ton of water weight.  This in turn made my feet swell and didn't allow me to be on me feet, longer than five minutes at a time.  Working out was impossible.  Just walking around the grocery store caused my body to ache. 

My back gave out on me which added many trips to the chiropractor.  I quickly felt my body change from one extreme to the next.  I went from being an avid cyclist/dancer to being a couch potato with my feet being elevated, any chance I could get.  Oh how I craved to work out, yet alone be able to put my feet into a sneaker.  Did I mention my feet grew three sizes.  It was impossible to keep up with my ever growing body.  There wasn't much I could do about it, so I did what I could to stay positive.  I had a healthy baby growing inside my body and there wasn't anything that was more important to me than that.  

If I remember correctly I gained around 50 pounds.  For a 5'5" frame that was a lot to handle.  Everyone kept telling me it was the water weight and that after I had the baby, it would all fall off of me.  I held onto that hope with every fiber of my being.  People were correct, the water weight fell right off.  I instantly dropped 20 pounds, within a week or so.  I thought things were going amazingly smooth and waited for my body to do the rest.  

Well things didn't go as planned.  I went almost a year without working out and finding the motivation to get back into the swing of things, about did me in.  I still remember taking Penelope out for our first walk and only being able to go a few blocks.  I had to turn around.  Each day I was able to go a little further. That was until Penelope contracted RSV.  I didn't want to take Penelope to the day care at the gym, in fear she would get sick again.  This was the beginning of my plateau.

As time went on we learned that Penelope was going to need open heart surgery.  I don't think I realized it at the time, but I was a mess.  I would use food as my comfort.  Chocolate and ice cream made our situation seem easier.  My heart ached and I didn't know how to fix things for my baby.  I was so scared I was going to lose her.  Every night I would be in tears, wondering what I would do with my life, if I lost her.  I was stressed and anxious all at the same time.

Penelope's surgery went perfectly and better than we could have ever imaged.  I could instantly feel the weight on my shoulders being lifted off, immediately after having her come out of surgery.  My baby was going to be okay.  I knew it was only up hill from there.  Once our family over came that trial it was time to focus on getting back to me.  I decided there was no better way than to start teaching Zumba again.  I got re-certified and I was on my way to transforming myself.

I wasn't able to fit into any of my old work out clothes.  I was embarrassed, but didn't want to spend any more money on larger clothes.  I pulled them on and went on my way. I still remember looking in the mirror at myself at the Zumba certification and thinking to myself, that is not me.  I felt so uncomfortable in my new skin.  I knew things needed to change.

As soon as I was certified I started subbing Zumba.  If I wasn't subbing I had a hard time going to the gym.  There weren't any classes that I was dying to try, so I decided to take up walking/running.  It was time to put the BOB into use.  Each morning I would load Penelope into her stroller and attach GiGi to my side.  We started out at a mile and worked our way up to three.

I signed my family up for a 5k Memorial Day run and wanted to make sure I wasn't going to pass out before crossing the finish line.  My mom and I ran side by side to the finish.  It felt so good being able to run the entire way without walking.

As time went on I really started to enjoy running.  I would put on my music and be on my way.  I started enjoying the scenery around me and loving were I lived.  The only problem was I wasn't loosing any weight.  I felt like I was working hard, but wasn't seeing any results.  Tyson was wonderful to listen to my complaints.  He told me to keep on working and things would happen.  There were so many times I just wanted to throw in the towel.  I started to accept that this was going to be my new body and I better start getting used to it.

That was when I was offered to have my own Zumba class.  I started teaching two times a week and shortly after was asked to teach another class.  I was thrilled.  The weight finally started to go down, however I knew that just doing Zumba wasn't going to be enough.  I was going to have to change the way I eat.  This was a huge for me.  I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted so changing that was work.  I started buying fresh produce, greek yogurt bars, protein bars, and Lean Cuisines.  Between the two the results started to show.  

I started being able to fit into my old jeans and dresses.  I felt like I had an entirely new wardrobe.  My goal was to be able to wear a bikini by our Newport Vacation.  I got down to my goal weight and wore that bikini of mine.  I didn't want to stop there though.  I wanted to get back to my pre-pre pregnancy weight and size.  (When I say pre-pre pregnancy size I mean before my first miscarriage.  I never lost the original weight from my first pregnancy before I got pregnant with Penelope).

With hard work and patience I was able to meet my goal.  A couple days ago I got onto the scale and saw the magical numbers I had been wanting for so long.  For shoots and giggles I decided to try on my old pants.  It was a miracle, they fit.  I kicked myself in the butt, for giving away all my old pants.  I called my mom and Tyson to tell them the news.  I couldn't wipe the smile off my face.

There is still work to be done and realize my body will most likely never be entirely back to its old self, but I am okay with that.  I loved carrying a baby inside of me and wouldn't change it for the world.  I am grateful for what this journey has taught me.  Things don't always go our way or in our time frame, but if we hold on, things will work out.  Patience makes us appreciate things more fully.  I am grateful every day for my body and hope to never take it for granted.  

"If I have the belief that I can do it, I shall acquire the capacity to do it."

-Ghandi